So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
