It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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