is your mom at the bar?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
