my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We got so high we made milksteak
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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