In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
