i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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