We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
