Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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