May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
