There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
