So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
