Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
