my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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