the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
