He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
