Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
