Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
handjob tips. give me some.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
