Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
