Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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