I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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