I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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