i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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