I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
