So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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