It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
