At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
