idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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