At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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