Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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