Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
