So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
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getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
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when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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