can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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