you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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