apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
