I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
