the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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