Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
