Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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