i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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