piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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