No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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