just come out here and I will go home with you...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
