I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
