I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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