Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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