Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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