I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
