Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
