That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
