bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
