i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my sisters under your porch take her home
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
