Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
