my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
