I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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