Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
