I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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