Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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