At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
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He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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