I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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