Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
