I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
