I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
