what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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