Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
