I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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