Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
