and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
