4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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