I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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