every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
