By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
