I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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