i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
