you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
