You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
