I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
