my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
