I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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