they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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