flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
