just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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