So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
