Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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